Drunken clients / or just the staff

The Home office have just published guidelines to the Police so that they can tell who is drunk in a pub and should not be served. I was reading through the list and I am sure it might fit me during one of my male menopausel moments. Certainly fits some of our lot even when sober.

Noticeable change in behaviour ( during the football and racing) ;
Bad tempered, aggressive; ( normal) ;
Offensive language; (normal);
Becoming loud, boisterous or disorderly; ( Cod on a good day);
Becoming physically violent; ( Old willie - normal);
Becoming incoherent; (normal);
Slurring, or making mistakes in speech; and ;
becoming argumentative. (routine);
A lack of judgment (me at times);
Being careless with money; (all the staff);;
Annoying other persons, employees etc; (me);
Exhibiting inappropriate sexual behaviour; (most men);
Drinking quickly or competitively (‘down in one’) ( thirsty george);
Clumsiness & loss of co ordination ( me);
Swaying; (all the staff to the music);
Staggering; (me);
Difficulty with walking; (wee George - with his sticks);
Falling down; (wee George plus others);
Bumping into furniture; (paul and Chick with the hoover);
Spilling drinks; (most of the staff and customers);
Difficulty in picking up change; and (few);
Fumbling for cigarettes, or other items ( no smoking inside);
Decreased alertness ( me during karaoke);
Drowsiness, dozing or sleeping; (PQ);
Rambling conversation; (Chick);
Loss of train of thought; (Chick);
Difficulty in paying attention; (Me);
Not understanding what is said; ( Definately me);
Glassy eyes and lack of focus. ( me during karaoke);
Appearance - Unkempt/ Dishevelled ( bit like Dreever was);
Source: Home Office guidelines